Finally Releases of the Platinum Dunes Turtles.

The internet is a buzz about images of the mock-ups of the 2014 Jonathan Liebsman directed Turtles FINALLY being released. They are on several fan sites already, so why not here as well. Thanks to members of the Technodrome forums Donnie and RaphTMNT for the heads up.

Jester’s Pointillism Review of Rise of the TMNT

This is kinda just a stream of consciousness thing I started back with the 4Kids series on the Technodrome, and figured, why not keep it alive for the new Turtle incarnation. There is very little critical value to this, it’s just mainly my thoughts as i viewed the episodes.

The Jester Pointillism “Review”:
*They re-edited the training scene. The lightning bolts that flash at the pressure point after Splinter schools Raph are gone. I liked those.
*Ahhh good ole algae and worms. Maybe Yoshi/Splinter felt that even humanoid pet Turtles still like algae and worms…*shrugs*
*Mikey’s the cook again. And his recipes are kinda gross…ahhh nostalgia.
*HAPPY MUTATION DAY! Though how can there be older and younger brothers with a…never mind. We all kinda assumed this is what they’d shell-ebrate anyway, right? Sorry….bad joke.
*New origin. No Chet. 🙁
*”That was us!” OHHHH NO!
*I do like the Kraang’s broken English. “This place is a place where you are not allowed to be in this place.” the line just seems to work if you know these people ain’t human, but rather “a brain thing.”
*Always laugh at Mikey’s “MOM!” line.
*”Yes…and no.” Splinter made a funny.
*Love Rob-atello. Like there was any doubt.
*Sad Turtle Eyes….adorable!
*Love the Filmation Star Trek: TAS reference. Is that Cam Clarke as Captain Ryan? I know it can’t be but it SOUNDS like him.
*As pointed out, love Mutagen Man on the comic cover.
*Like the “katas” before the boys leave, I just hope it doesn’t become stock footage.
*Splinter’s instructions are spot on…well maybe except the bit about the toilets. Kinda ironic they live in a sewer, but the topside restrooms are gross.
*Farting Hob, a bit much…
*”There could be an adventure around every corner…there isn’t but their could be!” Love Leo’s optimism.
*”I dunna Donatello…IS IT!?” They seem to be nailing that these are 4 teenage brothers rather well.
*As I said before when the Pizza Taste Test video first hit:
Growing up in a glass bowl
With chameleons, lizards, and tadpoles
It hardly enters your mind
That there’s something better than this.
A better treat than a carrot
Maybe a seed from a parrot
Believe me when I tell you
The word gourmet just don’t exist!
*Ninja run weird.
*April uses A LOT of gel in her hair.
*Would a anthropomorphic Turtle really crush on a human chick? Still leads to a fun bit.
*Save April and her father Ron Howard, Turtles!
*Teamwork is sorely lacking…kinda like Darkness on the Edge of Town…I think that’s the 4Kids episode.
*Raph’s uses Sai Flip on Kraang. It was NOT super effective.
*”I didn’t know you were going to land where I was stabbing.” Not sure if just punchy, or if that line was really pretty funny.
*Kraang run weird
*Mikey uses Random Blade Flail on Kraang. It is super effective!
*Kraang’s hug heads. I wonder if it’s a set up for the Kraang takes over Shredder bit from Archie.
*”It was a humongous brain! And it had eyes, and a mouth, and it latched on to my melon. Weird, huh?”
*Pass buck to the right…poor Mikey.
*Wait…Mikey’s right? I guess he is.
*Hamato Family Photo = American Gothic. All Yoshi needs is a pitch fork.
*Mikey for Leader. Why…. Just cuz!
*Wait for villains to show up, get sweet van. Wha? Worked before.
*”I’m thinking of something green. Green. Greeeen.” “Is it Raphael again?
*Snake’s face has a surprising amount of detail.
*Coach Leo says “Swing Away”…if you can read his hand signals.
*It’s Mommy!
*Oh…Brian Bloom is Ryan. Who’s Brian Bloom? He’s Captain America?
*I thought Crankshaw sounded like Kevin French.
*Mikey wants to drink the ooze to become a super mutant…but does this ooze even work that way? I mean…they don’t explain how Splinter becomes a rat, the turtles just bigger, humanoid Turtles, and Snake (later) becomes a….weed.
*Is that Solid Snake?
*Raph sounds like a toned down 4Kids Raph with his ripping Mikey.
*Taking the scientists out of the city….maybe to THE TECHNODROME!?
*Ok, yeah Mikey’s letting Snake escape was kinda weak. But then again it sets up Leo’s “master plan” so maybe it’s a win-win.
*”Oh great, we let him get away…” ACTING!!!
*Raph pouring his heart out to Spike was sweet.
*I wonder if we’ll get any Yoshi and Saki: Buddy Ninjas flashbacks….I really can’t wait to see the Saki/Yoshi/Shen story fleshed out.
*April’s plan was not a bad idea…but these aren’t any mere human thugs.
*”Kraang, are those who are coming to this place, coming to this place…” Yeah, I can understand Snake’s frustration…
*Oh, look…I just noticed the very obvious weeds growing up from the cracks in the road at the place which Snake wishes the Kraang would call “here”…
*These human mutations look painful, but why did Splinter’s mutation seem more…well…not monsterous?
*Ok, Mikey that plan isn’t THAT hard to follow.
*You’re not a bone head, Mikey…just a little childish.
*Donnie more working and less fawning.
*Using the arm to bar the door…not that gruesome, really people.
*Snake Weed however…a bit gruesome. I mean, I can see his bones and muscles. Wonder if that’ll be part of the figure.
*Raph’s “Let it go, man.” line made me chuckle both times I heard it.
*Donatello: Action Hero! GET TO DUH CHOPPA!!!
*Beating the baddies by being a kid…unique. All though Leo’s fanny slap was a bit much.
*We get it, the Kraang really like the word “place”.
*So April’s staying with Aunt Agatha and Uncle Auggie?
*Not sure what to make of the Donnie crush on April…kind weird.
*”You asked…” 😀 No right or wrong, only choices. “You could have chose Mikey?” “No, that would have been wrong…” Poor Mikey, but funny….funny.
*Hey a Hispanic, Asian, Irish, African Newscaster voiced by Jim Meskimen.
*Shredder has great cable service…and some wicked scars. Maybe you should get that looked at. Maybe some ointment…
*So Shredder’s helmet is more functional than anything…kinda a Dr. Doom motif.

Someone is in Biggs Trouble

This just in, someone famous said something incredibly stupid, causing an uproar from people who disagree, leading them to grab their torches and pitchforks and call for his head, or at least his job.

For those of you who don’t know by now, all 5 of you, Jason Biggs took to Twitter during the Republican National Convention and posted some off color tweets about the candidates and their wives and even Clint Eastwood. (Since this is a family blog I’ll refrain from posting them. Then again, you could probably hit Google for the particulars of the bile.) Since then parents have called for Nickelodeon to fire him from his new gig as Leonardo, leader of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (hey, maybe that’s why this is showing up here.)

Now I’m not going to defend Biggs’ tweets, because quite frankly they’re indefensible, (That and I’m… a REPUBLICAN!!! Duh Duh DUH!!!!) BUT I will say, this is ‘Merica, and Jason Biggs can say pretty much whatever he wants (except maybe “FIRE!!” in a crowded theater). I may disagree with what he said, and find it to be beyond vile, but come on man, 1st Amendment, he can post whatever he wants to Twitter. He is within his rights to discuss Paul Ryan’s masturbatory habits.

That being said his Freedom of Speech doesn’t mean Freedom from Consequences. Biggs can spew whatever disgusting garbage comes into his diseased mind, but you know what, Nickelodeon has every right to fire the bum too. I don’t know what his contract say, if it has a morality clause or not, but if Nick feels that his speech is just sick enough, they can fire him. It’s their call.

I’m not gonna call for Jason Biggs head. (To be honest, I kinda hope they don’t. Could you imagine the delay to the series if they have to redub his lines? Although it would make the Leo FX figure sooo collectable.) That’s all up to Nick. Besides, I’d hate for someone to come to me and tell me that I couldn’t post what I want to on-li….THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED BY PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH KEVIN MCGILL’S POINT OF VIEW. TAKE THAT CONSTITUTION!

Edit: Folks have been wanting to know what was actually said. Jason’s comments can be found in this article. Please note: Extremely foul language.

Article containing Jason’s original comments

What exactly is a “Casual” fan?

When people drop the term “casual fan” on a fan-forum it’s almost as if a verbal (or would it be textual?) bomb has been dropped. The term is nothing if not very charged. Some people feel it it’s usage makes the “true fans” seem to be elitists. That it calls into question peoples dedication to a property. That it is a way to inflate the ego of people who seem to know every nuance of a franchise, allowing them to look down on the ignorant noobs. Some are those very “elitists” who use the term to distinguish who is a real fan of the franchise. People who know what they are talking about as opposed to just acting the part. People who can tolerate even the lesser parts of the franchise out of a love for the property as a whole. People who live and breathe the franchise as opposed to someone who remembers it fondly as a kid and would buy a shirt from Hot Topic because it’s “cool”. But the real question is how do I measure a casual fan, because I matter. (Actually I’m a nobody, but I’m the author of this fine…ha…blog, so my opinion is all that matters. Muhaha!)

Maybe “casual fan” is a poor term. I have little problem with people who remember the old cartoon show and liked Mikey the best because he was the cool one. Anyone who enjoyed the TMNT, you are my brother. I can’t (or rather shouldn’t) get bent out of shape because you know next to nothing about the Mirage roots. I don’t really either. I’ve read a handful of the original “canon” (and even that’s up for heated fan, casual or otherwise, debate) and what I’ve read I enjoy, but it doesn’t make me an expert on that piece of the property pie (lets assume it’s a pizza pie, this is after all a TMNT blog post. COWABUNGA!). Before I rejoined the fandom back when the 4Kids series kicked off, I assumed the all red bandanas on the 1st TMNT game for the NES was a mistake. I’ve since learned better, but I was once the dreaded “casual fan” that some loathe. Fandom can be a growth process. I know I’ve matured over the years. My posts have become (at least partially) more coherent and have something that could pass as grammatical structure. Gah, the more I type, the more I feel the need to look in a mirror. It’s almost like the old preacher addage, “This sermon is as much for me as it is you.” Hallelujah, amen!

To me, the true test of a “casual fan” is more a case of is this person a poser. People who say they know EVERYTHING about the Turtles then tell you their favorite Turtle was the “Blue One.” Or “Ralph.” Every time I see the name Mickey in reference to the teenaged Turtle and not the iconic mouse, I cringe. That being said, people can be taught, if you use an even hand, and if they’re willing to learn. Again, I knew jack about the Mirage universe, but now I’m at least somewhat knowledgeable about the main arcs of what is considered by our lord, Peter Laird, to be canon. I also don’t act like I have all the answers. I SO don’t. I know there are fans out there who know more than me, and I defer to their knowledge. I (try) to not act like I know EVERYTHING about the Turtles, because, you know something, I don’t. I may know that Raph doesn’t have an L and typically wears a red mask, or that Mikey is not a mouse with red boxers, but a Turtle oft depicted with a orange mask. I may be a bit stuck on IDW deciding to use those colors, but I’m not ag’ain it to the point of franchise mutiny either. The point is, to keep people from applying the dreaded “casual” label on you, don’t be afraid to plead ignorance. People will respect you more for you admitting you haven’t a clue, than they do if they realize that you are talking exclusively from your rectum. And in a community this size, it’s easy to spot those who are engaging in derriere dictation.

So there you have it. To ME (the preceding was just Jester’s opinion and in no way reflects the opinion of and its other contributors, or the TMNT fan-base at large) that is what makes a person a “casual fan,” someone who tries a little too hard to look more informed than they really are. And with the whole Bay-Gate issue (let us not get in to THAT can of worms), people seem to be very apt to shoot their mouths off regarding the green team. Just think for a second before you do. Think, “Does this make me look like a complete ignorant fool?” “Does what I am about to say contain elements that someone who is more knowledgeable about the Ninja Turtles would know is coming completely from where the sun don’t shine?” If the answer is YES, then don’t go there. Because as Abraham Lincoln is credited as to have said: “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

Finally! Turtle Soup #2!

In 2009 (Jul 7, 2009 to be precise) I posted a review of Turtle Soup #1. It is now mid March 3 years later, and we are finally gonna look at issue 2. By this rate we will reach issue #4 by August of 2018.

Our first story is another spin-off of Mark Martin’s Green-Grey Sponge-Suit Sushi Turtles, this time starring Velveeduh (bringing new irony to “Shells and Cheese”) and his ninja Master Match-Stik. Velveeduh is fishing in polluted lake, and hooks a large mutant fish, that promptly swallows him whole. Meanwhile Splinter…er…Match-Stik… is chasing a shrimp to study but after losing him spys Velveeduh’s mutant fish. Wishing to study this new mutation, Mickey…er…Match-Stick… comes to find out Velveeduh has been ingested by the fish wanting to get out. Match-Stik on the other hand thinks removing Velveeduh will harm the specimen and begins spewing several analogies that nauseate the fish causing him to vomit up Velveeduh. The End. Not impressed.

Our next story in our anthology is a horror parody, Mid-Afternoon of the Living Dead by Dave Garcia and Justin Hampton. A mysterious meteor crashes to earth containing dozens of worms. Soon after a very familiar pair comes looking for the for the meteor, only to be attacked by zombies. Still later, our heroes are visiting the area looking for some fishing. (Really, 2 in a row?) They are also attacked by the corpses that are resurrected by the space worms. (One wonders if these are the worms used to resurrect Oroku Saki, but then again our heroes are in their Fred Wolf style garb, so the point is moot.) They fight off the zombies and use the worms as bait for their fishing trip, since they forgot bait earlier… or Mikey used it as a pizza toppings. I really rather enjoyed this short tale.

And on to the Dooney piece. (YEA!!!) In the 2nd part of this 4 part saga the Turtles are defending their friends (and themselves) from the dinosaurs accidentally transported to this time by Henry’s wrist gauntlet. As the Turtles tangle with the Triassic terrors (hooray for alliteration!) Henry attempts to send the dinos back the the stone age. He succeeds, but before anyone can catch their breath, a giant robot from the future is transported into the empty streets! TO BE CONTINUED!

The next 2 segments are by Don Simpson (with the help of Steve Lavigne on colors.) called Tales of Alternate Turtles on the Moon. The story opens with 4 alternate Turtles (guys who don’t get nearly enough gigs as stand-ins for turtles of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety.) having a pint when they are approached by Captain Scaley Beard who invites them aboard his ship the Jolly Deathtrap and his search for buried treasure. The Turtles decline and are promptly knocked out and brought aboard the alien’s ship. On the moon the Turtles and the aliens are attacked by other space pirates. Unarmed, the Turtles flee, only to stumble across the the buried treasure. Hoping the alien pirates have taken each other out, the Turtles hijack Scaley Beard’s ship. Scaley Beard sees them leaving in his vessel and shanghais the other pirate ship. On board the pirate ship, the Turtles open the chest to reveal not treasure but a chest full of ‘tater chips. To evade the pirates, one of the Turtles dumps the chips out a porthole clogging the enemy ship’s warp drive causing it to explode. The Turtles crash land their ship, and happily party with Scaley Beard’s crew full of babes (The Mutant Ninja Turtles may get the glory, but these Turtles get the girls.) Not the best story, and I’ve never been a fan of Simpson’s art, but I’ve read worse.

Lastly we have Snapper, a Raphael one shot. All alone in April’s apartment, Raph has gorged himself on six pizzas when he notices April’s pet snapper. Playing with the turtle in an attempt to alleviate his boredom, the little guy nips Raph’s finger and he passes out. When Raph comes too, April’s pet snapper is now a hulking mutant snapper, who knocks Raph around before telling him he is inferior as,”pizza is no substitute for blood.” (Is that another Fred Wolf jab?) April returns to find her apartment trashed, and Raphael on the floor with the baby snapper on his head. Raph tries to explain, but April tells him to retrieve a special ninja weapon from the Turtles’ lair, a broom. This is probably my 2nd favorite story, after the Dooney piece. I mean it has a mutant snapping turtle. Where else could you see that? Oh…wait…

So there it is, Turtle Soup #2. Not a bad little anthology. I wonder why they didn’t split up the Alternate Turtles tales, but what’s done is done.

See you in 3 years!