Finally! Turtle Soup #2!

In 2009 (Jul 7, 2009 to be precise) I posted a review of Turtle Soup #1. It is now mid March 3 years later, and we are finally gonna look at issue 2. By this rate we will reach issue #4 by August of 2018.

Our first story is another spin-off of Mark Martin’s Green-Grey Sponge-Suit Sushi Turtles, this time starring Velveeduh (bringing new irony to “Shells and Cheese”) and his ninja Master Match-Stik. Velveeduh is fishing in polluted lake, and hooks a large mutant fish, that promptly swallows him whole. Meanwhile Splinter…er…Match-Stik… is chasing a shrimp to study but after losing him spys Velveeduh’s mutant fish. Wishing to study this new mutation, Mickey…er…Match-Stick… comes to find out Velveeduh has been ingested by the fish wanting to get out. Match-Stik on the other hand thinks removing Velveeduh will harm the specimen and begins spewing several analogies that nauseate the fish causing him to vomit up Velveeduh. The End. Not impressed.

Our next story in our anthology is a horror parody, Mid-Afternoon of the Living Dead by Dave Garcia and Justin Hampton. A mysterious meteor crashes to earth containing dozens of worms. Soon after a very familiar pair comes looking for the for the meteor, only to be attacked by zombies. Still later, our heroes are visiting the area looking for some fishing. (Really, 2 in a row?) They are also attacked by the corpses that are resurrected by the space worms. (One wonders if these are the worms used to resurrect Oroku Saki, but then again our heroes are in their Fred Wolf style garb, so the point is moot.) They fight off the zombies and use the worms as bait for their fishing trip, since they forgot bait earlier… or Mikey used it as a pizza toppings. I really rather enjoyed this short tale.

And on to the Dooney piece. (YEA!!!) In the 2nd part of this 4 part saga the Turtles are defending their friends (and themselves) from the dinosaurs accidentally transported to this time by Henry’s wrist gauntlet. As the Turtles tangle with the Triassic terrors (hooray for alliteration!) Henry attempts to send the dinos back the the stone age. He succeeds, but before anyone can catch their breath, a giant robot from the future is transported into the empty streets! TO BE CONTINUED!

The next 2 segments are by Don Simpson (with the help of Steve Lavigne on colors.) called Tales of Alternate Turtles on the Moon. The story opens with 4 alternate Turtles (guys who don’t get nearly enough gigs as stand-ins for turtles of the Teenage Mutant Ninja variety.) having a pint when they are approached by Captain Scaley Beard who invites them aboard his ship the Jolly Deathtrap and his search for buried treasure. The Turtles decline and are promptly knocked out and brought aboard the alien’s ship. On the moon the Turtles and the aliens are attacked by other space pirates. Unarmed, the Turtles flee, only to stumble across the the buried treasure. Hoping the alien pirates have taken each other out, the Turtles hijack Scaley Beard’s ship. Scaley Beard sees them leaving in his vessel and shanghais the other pirate ship. On board the pirate ship, the Turtles open the chest to reveal not treasure but a chest full of ‘tater chips. To evade the pirates, one of the Turtles dumps the chips out a porthole clogging the enemy ship’s warp drive causing it to explode. The Turtles crash land their ship, and happily party with Scaley Beard’s crew full of babes (The Mutant Ninja Turtles may get the glory, but these Turtles get the girls.) Not the best story, and I’ve never been a fan of Simpson’s art, but I’ve read worse.

Lastly we have Snapper, a Raphael one shot. All alone in April’s apartment, Raph has gorged himself on six pizzas when he notices April’s pet snapper. Playing with the turtle in an attempt to alleviate his boredom, the little guy nips Raph’s finger and he passes out. When Raph comes too, April’s pet snapper is now a hulking mutant snapper, who knocks Raph around before telling him he is inferior as,”pizza is no substitute for blood.” (Is that another Fred Wolf jab?) April returns to find her apartment trashed, and Raphael on the floor with the baby snapper on his head. Raph tries to explain, but April tells him to retrieve a special ninja weapon from the Turtles’ lair, a broom. This is probably my 2nd favorite story, after the Dooney piece. I mean it has a mutant snapping turtle. Where else could you see that? Oh…wait…